Discovering limitsExpress · 18–24 months

This or that

In the routines they find hardest, you offer two options and they pick the one they like.

To do with your toddler between 18 and 24 months. It works on: emotional regulation, language development and self confidence. You don't need anything but each other.

In the app, one activity a day for their age →

What do I need?

How do I do it?

1. 01

   Pick the moment

   Think of a part of the day when your little one tends to say no: getting dressed, sitting down to eat or heading out. Choose two options you're happy with, like two T-shirts or two pairs of shoes.

2. 02

   Offer both

   Crouch down to their level and show them one option in each hand. Ask calmly, “We're going outside. Blue shoes or red shoes?”

3. 03

   Wait for their answer

   Let them point, take one or tell you which they want. When they choose, repeat it back without making a fuss: “The red ones. Let's put them on.”

4. 04

   Hold the limit

   If they won't pick either or get upset, tell them calmly, “It's hard to choose today. This time I'll pick the red ones.” Give them a moment before you get going, without scolding.

5. 05

   Try again another day

   Offer two options in other routines, always with both in sight. If one day they don't feel like choosing, decide for them and move on.

What are they learning?

Around this age, many little ones want to make their own decisions and say no to whatever feels imposed. Choosing between two options lets them decide something for real, while you keep the routine going. To tell you which one they want, they point, take one or say its name.

• Emotional regulation

  Turns the urge to decide into a choice, without a standoff with you

• Language development

  Points to, takes or names the option they prefer

• Self confidence

  Finds that their choices count in everyday life

What the research says

1. How children gradually learn to manage distress and hard feelings

   Kopp · 1989

2. Responding to babbling helps babies quickly learn speech sounds

   Goldstein & Schwade · 2008

3. Babies keep trying longer when they see an adult persist

   Leonard et al. · 2017

See all 6 references

1. Kopp CB. Regulation of distress and negative emotions: a developmental view. Developmental Psychology. 1989;25(3):343-354. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.25.3.343 doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.25.3.343
2. Morris AS, Silk JS, Steinberg L, Myers SS, Robinson LR. The role of the family context in the development of emotion regulation. Social Development. 2007;16(2):361-388. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9507.2007.00389.x doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9507.2007.00389.x
3. Goldstein MH, Schwade JA. Social feedback to infants' babbling facilitates rapid phonological learning. Psychological Science. 2008;19(5):515-523. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2008.02117.x doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2008.02117.x
4. Weisleder A, Fernald A. Talking to children matters: early language experience strengthens processing and builds vocabulary. Psychological Science. 2013;24(11):2143-2152. doi:10.1177/0956797613488145 doi.org/10.1177/0956797613488145
5. Leonard JA, Lee Y, Schulz LE. Infants make more attempts to achieve a goal when they see adults persist. Science. 2017;357(6357):1290-1294. doi:10.1126/science.aan2317 doi.org/10.1126/science.aan2317
6. Morgan GA, Harmon RJ, Maslin-Cole CA. Mastery motivation: definition and measurement. Early Education and Development. 1990;1(5):318-339. doi:10.1207/s15566935eed0105_1 doi.org/10.1207/s15566935eed0105_1

Reviewed by Javier Atance Ibar, PhD in Education