# This or that

In the routines they find hardest, you offer two options and they pick the one they like.

To do with your toddler between 18 and 24 months. It works on: emotional regulation, language development and self confidence. You don't need anything but each other.

## What do I need?

You don't need anything but each other.

## How do I do it?

1. **Pick the moment.** Think of a part of the day when your little one tends to say no: getting dressed, sitting down to eat or heading out. Choose two options you're happy with, like two T-shirts or two pairs of shoes.
2. **Offer both.** Crouch down to their level and show them one option in each hand. Ask calmly, “We're going outside. Blue shoes or red shoes?”
3. **Wait for their answer.** Let them point, take one or tell you which they want. When they choose, repeat it back without making a fuss: “The red ones. Let's put them on.”
4. **Hold the limit.** If they won't pick either or get upset, tell them calmly, “It's hard to choose today. This time I'll pick the red ones.” Give them a moment before you get going, without scolding.
5. **Try again another day.** Offer two options in other routines, always with both in sight. If one day they don't feel like choosing, decide for them and move on.

## What are they learning?

Around this age, many little ones want to make their own decisions and say no to whatever feels imposed. Choosing between two options lets them decide something for real, while you keep the routine going. To tell you which one they want, they point, take one or say its name.

- **Emotional regulation**: Turns the urge to decide into a choice, without a standoff with you
- **Language development**: Points to, takes or names the option they prefer
- **Self confidence**: Finds that their choices count in everyday life

## What the research says

- Kopp CB. Regulation of distress and negative emotions: a developmental view. Developmental Psychology. 1989;25(3):343-354. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.25.3.343 (https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.25.3.343)
- Morris AS, Silk JS, Steinberg L, Myers SS, Robinson LR. The role of the family context in the development of emotion regulation. Social Development. 2007;16(2):361-388. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9507.2007.00389.x (https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9507.2007.00389.x)
- Goldstein MH, Schwade JA. Social feedback to infants' babbling facilitates rapid phonological learning. Psychological Science. 2008;19(5):515-523. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2008.02117.x (https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2008.02117.x)
- Weisleder A, Fernald A. Talking to children matters: early language experience strengthens processing and builds vocabulary. Psychological Science. 2013;24(11):2143-2152. doi:10.1177/0956797613488145 (https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797613488145)
- Leonard JA, Lee Y, Schulz LE. Infants make more attempts to achieve a goal when they see adults persist. Science. 2017;357(6357):1290-1294. doi:10.1126/science.aan2317 (https://doi.org/10.1126/science.aan2317)
- Morgan GA, Harmon RJ, Maslin-Cole CA. Mastery motivation: definition and measurement. Early Education and Development. 1990;1(5):318-339. doi:10.1207/s15566935eed0105_1 (https://doi.org/10.1207/s15566935eed0105_1)

Reviewed by Javier Atance Ibar, PhD in Education.

https://papakoala.com/en/activities/this-or-that/