# The talking stone

A smooth stone shows whose turn it is to talk: whoever holds it shares something, and everyone else listens until it's their turn.

To do with your toddler between 2 and 3 years old. It works on: emotional regulation, language development and social awareness. You'll need: a natural object that is pleasant to touch.

## What do I need?

- A natural object that is pleasant to touch

## How do I do it?

1. **Choose the object.** Find a natural object that's pleasant to touch: a smooth stone that fills their hand, a large shell or a piece of wood. Keep it handy for times when waiting is hard, like on the sofa, at the table or in a waiting room.
2. **Explain the rule.** Sit facing your little one with the stone in your hand and calmly explain the rule: “This is the talking stone. Whoever holds it talks, and the rest of us listen.”
3. **Pass the stone.** Share something short, then hand them the stone with a specific question: “What did you like best at the park?” Listen to their answer without interrupting, and when they're done, hold out an open hand for the stone.
4. **Show it if they interrupt.** Show them the stone in your hand if they interrupt, instead of correcting them with words, and calmly say, “I have it now. It'll be your turn in a moment.” Thank them when they manage to wait, even if they wriggle: “Thank you for listening to me.”
5. **End the game.** Put the stone down when the wait is over or they lose interest, and save it for next time. Play again on other days, whenever you have to wait together.

### Another way to play

If there are more people at home, the stone can go around the table so everyone shares something about their day.

## What are they learning?

With the stone in sight, they always know whose turn it is to talk. When it's in their hand, they tell their story knowing you'll listen to the end. When you hold it, they hold back the urge to interrupt and wait for their turn while watching the stone, without anyone scolding them.

- **Emotional regulation**: Holds back the urge to interrupt while watching the stone in your hand and waits their turn
- **Language development**: Tells you something about their day, stone in hand, while you listen to the end
- **Social awareness**: Listens to whoever holds the stone and discovers that people take turns in a conversation

## What the research says

- Kopp CB. Regulation of distress and negative emotions: a developmental view. Developmental Psychology. 1989;25(3):343-354. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.25.3.343 (https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.25.3.343)
- Morris AS, Silk JS, Steinberg L, Myers SS, Robinson LR. The role of the family context in the development of emotion regulation. Social Development. 2007;16(2):361-388. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9507.2007.00389.x (https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9507.2007.00389.x)
- Goldstein MH, Schwade JA. Social feedback to infants' babbling facilitates rapid phonological learning. Psychological Science. 2008;19(5):515-523. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2008.02117.x (https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2008.02117.x)
- Weisleder A, Fernald A. Talking to children matters: early language experience strengthens processing and builds vocabulary. Psychological Science. 2013;24(11):2143-2152. doi:10.1177/0956797613488145 (https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797613488145)
- Markova G, Legerstee M. Contingency, imitation, and affect sharing: Foundations of infants’ social awareness. Developmental psychology. 2006;42(1):132-141
- Amanda Sheffield Morris, Amy C. Williamson. Building Early Social and Emotional Relationships with Infants and Toddlers : Integrating Research and Practice. Vol 1st ed. 2018. Springer; 2019.

Reviewed by Javier Atance Ibar, PhD in Education.

https://papakoala.com/en-gb/activities/the-talking-stone/